Today, 26/11/2008, again, I'm feeling a little bit pissed off, feeling a little bit of guilty, feeling a little bit of disppointed and feeling a little bit of heat on my forehead (it is fever, that's the effect). To my buddy, 'I'm sorry, to make you feel uneasy, because of my intention to make it clear'. I think, I understand, it is better to be silent, and be thought a fool, rather than to speak and remove all doubt. I often regret that I have spoken, never that I have been silent. Hide it away, keep it in silence, because I believe it is something as deep as eternity, that someday there'll be someone who would listen to the silence in me and all the answers are there. This not an expectation, not hope, but a belief. Have you ever, have you ever feel this way, when there's something that you want to tell, but even till the day you die, you can't tell, not even the person beside you, not anyone? Have you ever feel being solitude, being lonely? Have you ever feel, when people leave you, people who are so close to your heart? Do you know, to the loneliness itself, it wears a mask, a mask that will cover up all your pains? All these feelings, all these memories, grieves me a lot. But there's always a person who will tell me, 'hang in there, spastic!' 'hold on' 'you gotta hold on whatever it is' 'hope for the best' 'believe in what you believe'. I'm glad and with that, I keep going, keep walking step by step along the path, wearing the mask and feel like nothing, though sometimes I feel like I'm going backward whenever I step forward. That's me. It happened. Nobody knows but just the friend, where I can take out my mask and feel free. Sometimes we ignore each other, but that's the way we are. Florence told me, 'if friends get too close to each other, their friendship will break more easily' and sometimes I believe it. That's it. No why, for there's no answer.
